From the outside, Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello seem like the perfect couple. However, writing love songs about each other and showing PDA on Instagram doesn’t make them immune to the not-so-pleasant parts of relationships. While on the Man Enough podcast, according to People, Mendes opened up about what scares him most about dating Cabello.
“I raised my voice at her and she was like, ‘I don’t like it when you raise your voice. Why did you raise your voice?’” he told host Justin Baldoni, per People. “And I got so defensive. I was like, ‘I wasn’t raising my voice at you!’ And I did raise my voice at her. And then I felt her shrink and I felt me grow and I was like, ‘Oh God, this is the worst.’”
He continued, “I’m so terrified of being evil. I’m so scared to be bad. I don’t want to be bad.” But he didn’t let the negative feelings fester. Instead, they had a “massive conversation” about the fight and what it means for their relationship.
“Maybe there even is bad inside of me, and I have to just accept that that exists,” the “I Know What You Did Last Summer” singer said. “And that other part of me, he’s just got to be here and we’ve just got to work together until eventually he gets worked in all of the trauma and all of the kinks get rubbed out of him and he’s okay. But I can’t avoid the fact that there’s a little bit of darkness inside of me. And letting that darkness kind of be present is a horrible feeling.”
Shawn Mendes said that, after this conversation with Cabello, he realized he still hadn’t handled their situation well and apologized. “I made it about my evil and my fear, and she comforted me,” he explained. “And then it took me, like, 20 minutes of us separately reading our books to be able to come back to her and be like, ‘God, that was a whole thing and I’m really sorry.’ You think you’re being vulnerable and saying the right thing, but you’re really just defending yourself even better.”
Listen to the full podcast episode with Mendes here.