How to Choose the Best Dildo, According to a Sexologist

Choosing the best dildo can be an intimidating journey for some. If you ever wandered into a sex shop and saw rows and rows of dick-shaped, veiny dildos, the overwhelming image of silicone penises might be what you immediately think of when you think “dildo”—but there’s actually a lot more variety out there. In fact, a lot of dildos aren’t even penis-shaped at all. Some are smooth and sleek, like a vibrator (without the vibrations), others are textured with bumps and grooves, and plenty can come curved. 

If you’re new to the different types of dildos and aren’t sure what to consider when buying one, we talked to Good Vibrations sexologist, Carol Queen, to nail down the basics before you start shopping.

First: Bigger isn’t always better.

A large dildo might not do it for you unless you know that bigger really feels better for your body. “For starters, think about any penetration experiences that have been pleasurable—or for that matter, too much or not enough—and do your best to guesstimate the size of fingers, object, penis, or whatever it was that you know you liked or know you didn’t. Then choose accordingly,” Queen tells Glamour.

There are other important factors to choose from, such as girth (its thickness) and insertable length. “You don’t have to insert the entire toy if it isn’t comfortable to do so! When using a dildo by hand, you can just hold it at the shaft near the base if you want to insert a limited part of its full length,” Queen suggests.

Know the difference between vibrators and dildos.

Although getting (safely) creative with the best sex toys can be fun and is almost always encouraged, you’ll get the most out of your toys when you know what purpose they’re meant to serve. Dildos are meant for insertion and normally don’t vibrate—unless you get an attachment for it (there are plenty of vibrating dildos to choose from if that’s your thing). Vibrators can be insertable, but their main purpose is to, well, vibrate. “There’s some overlap, obvs, but dildos are the toy for people who enjoy penetration since that is their main function,” Queen says.

Can dildos make you orgasm?

It depends on how you use them. If you’re looking for clitoral stimulation, a dildo may not help with that, since it usually doesn’t provide much more clit stimulation than a penis. If you’re a vulva-owner and want to use your dildo while also rubbing your clit or simultaneously using a vibrator, go for it. If you have a vibrating dildo, you might be able to grind on it at an angle where you hit your G-spot and your clitoris. In the world of sex toys, anything is possible.

You can also use a dildo for anal orgasms. If you’re a cisgender woman, anal dildos can help you achieve orgasm by indirectly stimulating the A-spot in the vagina. If you’re a cisgender man, you may be able to orgasm via prostate stimulation (i.e. the P-spot). It does really depend on the shape and features of a dildo; you might need to play with the area of skin between the balls and anus, too. 

After a little bit of practice and figuring out what your body prefers, yes, you can orgasm from a dildo.

Which materials are safest for dildos?

Queen tells Glamour that the safest material is the kind that’s easiest to keep clean. “Silicone, glass, metal, and hard plastics are easiest to clean because they are not porous. Some other materials are harder to keep clean and if you choose one of those, use a condom with it.” One material to watch for is jelly rubber, which is formulated with a chemical softener called phthalates, and some consider it a toxic material. “Good Vibrations stopped carrying this material well over a decade ago, and we don’t recommend it. It’s also the most porous, generally,” Queen adds.

Lastly: It’s highly recommended you use lube with your dildo.

A good lubricant is always a good idea, but even more so with dildos. Queen tells Glamour that their material has more friction than skin does, so to make the experience more smooth and slick-feeling, pair your dildo with your go-to lube for the most optimal experience. And if you’re using a silicone toy, don’t use silicone lube with it; go with a water-based one like Astroglide’s Toy ‘n Joy Liquid.

Now that you’re a pro, here’s a guide to some of the best dildos to try for yourself.