When coronavirus lockdowns first started in March 2020, we were scared, lost, and confused. But Dakota Johnson’s Architectural Digest house tour swooped in triumphantly and gave us all the comfort we desperately needed. The video went super viral, and for good reason; in it Johnson muses about crushed mohair, her grandmother’s tigers (plural), a bamboo feud, and limes. So many limes.
The limes are the stars of the video, really. While showing A.D. her kitchen, Johnson gestures to a display of limes and says gleefully, “I love limes. I love them. They’re great. I love them so much, and I like to present them like this in my house.”
Something about watching a movie star wax poetic about citrus fruit in the middle of a contagion brought thousands joy—myself included. For 10 seconds, we forgot about hand sanitizer shortages and social distancing and lost ourselves in, well, a big ol’ bowl of limes. I said it last year and I’ll say it again: I want to be one of those limes.
But it’s all a lie. Those weren’t Dakota Johnson’s limes. Dakota Johnson doesn’t even like limes. She confessed this to Jimmy Fallon on January 19. When asked about the video, the actor said, “I actually didn’t even know that [the limes] were in there. I was giving the tour and went into the kitchen, and it was set dressing. I’m actually, I’m allergic to limes…. Limes make my tongue itch.”
We’ve been deceived. Duped. Bamboozled. Johnson says, “It was just hard to just ignore [the limes], so I just lied. I went the full opposite direction.”
That’s right. The bright green ASMR blanket that kept you warm during the early days of the pandemic was stitched with perjury.
Because of, ya know, the historic inauguration that happened on January 20, this bombshell is just being unearthed by the internet. And people are spiraling (myself included):
Many are pairing this with another classic Johnson moment: when Ellen DeGeneres accused Johnson of not inviting her to her birthday party, and Johnson replied, “That’s not the truth, Ellen.”
So what is the truth (Ellen)? One fan called out a scene in Johnson’s 2015 movie A Bigger Splash, in which she’s eating a whole lime. Did her tongue itch afterward? Has this poor woman been haunted by limes for years?
Everything is confusing. I don’t trust anyone. Nothing is sacred anymore. The only thing I do know is if I ever have a tequila shot with Dakota Johnson, I’ll just give her salt.