Instagram captions—the place where the hot and funny are separated from the simply hot. The words that accompany an Instagram post are a modern haiku, wherein you may come across a person’s bone-deep truth spelled out and offered up, or just a pitch to join a multilevel marketing scheme.
Searches for “how to write an Instagram caption” spike around the new year, as so many of us seek to control the narrative of our lives while feverishly applying glitter to our faces and liquor to our glasses. This year’s New Year’s Eve Instagram captions, while not exactly our greatest problem as a society, do represent a bigger, weirder question: How do we measure a year that brought immense suffering, and also included the beauty and joy of existence?
Writing an Instagram caption is always hard. Adorning a picture of yourself with words is so many different kinds of asking for attention. And yet we feel compelled to do it, or accept the more-painful truth that we are simply asking to be looked at.
We asked some of our favorite funny, interesting women how they might consider ringing in the new year in their Instagram captions. And even though that’s kind of an insane question, they responded with all of the reflective, laugh-out-loud, and sincere #content we could ever dream of. We’re wishing them, and you, and all of your followers a gorgeous, safe, meaningful new year. May 2021 be the year you feel most fully and profoundly yourself…or at the very least, the year you write your best-ever Instagram caption.
Hughes’s hysterical stand-up special, To Catch a Dick, will hit Netflix on December 22.
“I’m ending 2020 by being reflective. It was the year where I became unintentionally celibate, I struck up a lifelong bond with my houseplant, and discovered that you can be attracted to someone without even seeing the bottom of their face. What a year. Here’s to more health, wealth and open-mouth-kissing strangers at parties in 2021!”
Chee is a staff writer and performer on Late Night With Seth Meyers and a writer on the upcoming Amazon comedy special, Yearly Departed. She wants you to know that December 31, 2020, is a Friday.