Lana Condor Said She ‘Never Felt More Horrible Mentally’ Than After ‘To All the Boys 1’

Lana Condor’s breakthrough role was playing Lara Jean in To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. The 2018 Netflix original movie, based on the Jenny Han novel of the same name, was the first of three films that turned Condor into a household name. 

But the success wasn’t all good, Condor says. In a new interview with SELF, she opens up about the mental health struggles she faced after being thrusted into the spotlight.

“I was just saying yes to everything because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and you want to capitalize on it, and you want to feel like you’re fully embracing everything,” the actor explains. “But I’ve never felt more horrible mentally. I was so burned out. I would go home at night and I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I would shake going to bed and shake waking up because it was just so much stimulation.”

Lana Condor’s on-screen boyfriend in TATB is Noah Centineo, often dubbed the “internet’s boyfriend” because the world collectively fell in love with his portrayal of the charming Peter Kavinsky. However, it’s Condor’s real-life BF, Anthony De La Torre, who helped her navigate new fame. “Anthony—every night or every morning—folds my PJ’s and tucks them under my pillow so that I don’t have to go looking for them,” she says. “That, to me, is the biggest expression of love. That’s so much better than, I don’t know. A hot air balloon.”

She adds, “He’s been there and supportive. Never once has he ever held me back. He always just wants the best for my future. He wants to be a part of it. That’s what I would say to [my character] Lara Jean: If someone’s making you choose [between them and] your career or your future and your success and your path and your journey, that’s probably not the right person to be with.”