I expected the men. I didn’t expect the women. There are girls right now from Russia that are like, “Oh my god, you’re living the same life as me. I can relate so much.” It’s so crazy. I didn’t realize how universal dick really is. I’m getting messages from women and men all over the world about To Catch a D*ck.
Aside from that pastor, which DM stood out the most?
This guy asked me to join him and his wife for a threesome. And then his wife messaged me as well, to make sure I knew that it was totally fine. I politely declined. Thanks for the offer—flattered but, you know, COVID and everything.
So far everyone’s been really sweet. There have been no dick pics. I thought there would be an influx, so I was too scared to even look at my DMs the day after the special dropped. I thought it would be dicks everywhere, but guys have been very polite.
That weirdly gives me hope for humanity. So before COVID, what was your preferred method for meeting people?
I’m an old school girl. I like to meet people in real life. Before COVID you’d see me at a bar or a club, getting dates that way. All my friends did the dating app thing, but I feel like dating apps lie. You can meet the most charismatic, charming, fun person via text message. But then when you meet them in real life, it’s just dead and dull. I was matching with guys on dating apps and then in real life they just didn’t have the je ne sais quoi I thought they did. So I steered clear of dating apps. I am on Raya, which is a celebrity dating app that’s terrible because the type of guys on there are waiter slash DJs. It’s just weird.
I miss my old life. I’m literally thinking my vagina has gone into rehab. It’s just going through it right now because it’s been on lockdown. She’s just sorting her life out and reflecting on what a year it’s been. Hopefully in 2021 she’ll be back out and catching dick again.
In your special you talk about bad dates you’ve had, but what’s the worst thing you’ve done on one?
I’m actually quite good on dates. I guess the worst thing I’ve done is leave halfway through when he went to the bathroom.
Yeah, I ghosted. That’s the worst thing, and that’s not even that bad! That’s just standard behavior. The chemistry was off, and the picture on his dating app was definitely of him about seven years before I met him so he lied. I remember thinking, Ugh, I could make a run for it or I could sit through all of this and waste my life. We’ve only got one life to live, so I made a run for it. I texted him after to say I had a family emergency.
On the flip side, what’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for a partner?
I am the romance queen. My ex-boyfriend was really into nature, but we lived in London where there’s hardly any of that so he never got to see the countryside. So for his birthday I made him think I was taking him to a restaurant for drinks, which he kind of hated because he didn’t like the club scene. I picked him up from work in my car and drove him to the countryside, where I rented a cottage for four days that looked just like the one in the movie The Holiday. I also called up his work beforehand and got him the time off that he didn’t know about, and I got us a chef. We had a great time.