My Last Five Dates: International Tinder Matches, A College Fling, and a Remote Controlled Vibrator


Up until the pandemic, I was living the life of a single woman bouncing all over the globe, having a fine time for myself. New York City is my home base but I’ve long prioritized travel—pre-pandemic I spent more than half the year traveling. A solo trip to Asia or Latin America in the spring, Europe through the summer and fall. My friends used to joke that I had a lover in every port and, although funny, it wasn’t completely untrue.

Whether it’s because I’ve been burnt so many times or because I just have a thing for people who don’t share my native tongue, I find that dating in other countries isn’t just more fun, but a good way to keep men at arm’s length. It’s hard to get too deeply involved with someone who only understands 50% of what you’re saying.

When my trip to Sri Lanka and a few other Southeastern Asian countries was canceled last year, I assumed (hoped) it would only be a temporary delay. It was March and I couldn’t conceive of what 2020 had in store for us. I was confident I’d be back in a flat in Barcelona by the summer, happily going forward with trips to Paris and Rome. I was so confident, I put my travel plans in my Tinder bio, alerting all potential international lovers I was coming for them.

A year later, I’m still stuck at my parent’s house in New Hampshire. But I decided not to let my lack of mobility keep me from meeting the matches I’d hoped to encounter all over the globe. 

Date 1

I wasn’t willing to give up my international lovers, so I set my Tinder location to Rome where I’d planned to be last summer. I got a “super like” from a guy named Francisco. After a few days of messaging, we decided to take it to the next level which, in a pandemic, means a Zoom date. Frankly, I couldn’t believe that this is what the world had come to, but I did my hair, applied some red lipstick, and tossed on a pajama top that could easily pass for an “Oh, what a fancy shirt for a fancy date,” top.

Francisco was born and raised in Rome and had traveled a lot. He was passionate about animals and before the pandemic, he was supposed to head to Zimbabwe to work at an animal sanctuary. Instead, he was living with his sister teaching English to Italians online. He was cute, interesting, and when he slipped into Italian to think of the English word equivalent of what he wanted to say, was sexy as hell.

Things got pretty dirty and naked in our virtual romance, with him even using a We-Vibe vibrator that he could control from Rome. 

We-Vibe Match Couples Vibrator with Remote

But in November, I had a fall and broke my right leg, right ankle, and sprained my left ankle leaving me bed bound and unable to engage in our relationship as online sex buddies—he bailed. 

Francisco popped up occasionally after that with dick pic via Instagram, claiming he’d lost my number. But each time it was aggressive and unsolicited—and when you’re trying to heal from your waist down, the last thing you want is the one-eyed monster in your face.  

Date 2 

Jordi, a match from Barcelona, was sweet—too sweet. Too understanding, too patient, too positive, too complimentary, too everything that I think many people would eat up with a spoon, but I just couldn’t. We talked over Zoom and FaceTime and he was so attentive and so kind, that I actually started to think there was something wrong with him. Was he the Catalan version of Ted Bundy? 



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