Warning: This post contains language about suicide and may be triggering to some readers.
Delevingne said this homophobia was not overt but rather a subconscious prejudice. “I didn’t know…actually I think growing up…I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic,” she said.
She added, “The idea of being same sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, ‘Oh my God, I would never, that’s disgusting, ugh.’”
Delevingne now identifies as pansexual and has been in public relationships with women, including actor Ashley Benson and musician St. Vincent. Because of the way she grew up, coming out to herself and the world was fraught and took a toll on her mental health. “I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to being queer] because I was so ashamed of ever being that,” she said.
Nowadays, Delevingne says her sexuality is “constantly changing,” as is her relationship to it. “There is still a part of me where I’m like, Oh, I wish I could just be straight. There is still that side to it. It is really complicated,” she admitted.
Cara Delevingne’s open-minded, open-hearted approach to her sexuality also applies to gender expression. She said she used to feel restricted by her early “feminine” image and now enjoys exploring a wider spectrum of styles. “I’m an androgynous person,” she said. “I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble ‘man’…. I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts.”
If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day. The number is 1-800-273-8255.